In recent years, I have noticed a lot of blogs, magazine articles, memes, and advertisements for things that used to be common sense, everyday knowledge. I think that if I could put my finger on a single cause, it would have to be the societal drive towards all adults placing career in the highest priority slot. It has been a long, slow slide in this direction. As early as the late 1970's, self help gurus were telling folks to put family and self care ahead of attaining wealth. They were also, just as early, telling people to moderate their diets and schedules.
Human nature, being what it is, sometimes works counter to what we know is truly best. We want to be accepted, successful, wealthy, and well-liked. Something in us keeps whispering that we will be happier if we have more achievements. Unfortunately, the tangible achievements we aim for are exactly counter to what truly makes us happy. Happiness is not a tangible goal to reach for; it is in part contentment and in part hope. Instead of complicating our lives by continuously adding more, we need to simplify things. This is something we know inherently; it is seen in the popularity of Marie Kondo.
Why did our great-grandparents seem happier while they lived in an era of well defined gender roles? It was not because they didn't know better. It was because they knew in their home life that they were equal but possessed different skill sets. They recognized the importance of domesticity. Both partners in a marriage contributed something tangible to the household, and neither resented the other.
Today, their is seldom a "typical" household. We have embraced the idea that all are equal and all lifestyle choices up to the individuals involved. Is it possible that we have taken that a step too far? Possibly. Women who choose to be homemakers often face ridicule. Men who choose to do so often feel the sting of judgement even more. We are not quite to the point where we truly accept all lifestyle choices. But I believe we can capture something of the beauty of domesticity nonetheless.
It begins with our schedules. We need to take look at our goals in a more broad range. Goals should include projects to improve, and maintenance of, our homes. We should picture what our home would ideally look, smell, and sound like. We should share this vision with our partners and write it down. What goes smoothly in our household week to week and day to day? What would we like to do better? Who is best suited to it? Is there a fair division of labor? Are we allowing each other some personal time and space regularly? What can we eliminate from our schedules? How much of each leisure activity is appropriate and optimal? How can we avoid procrastination and do more together? Strengthening personal relationships is one reason domesticity is important. Are we hospitable? Hospitality begins with our immediate family.
Little touches are the glue that makes a house home.
Thinking back to the truly beautiful things I observed in the domestic realm, I see home grown herbs, regular dusting and cleaning, sachets placed strategically, dinners punctuated with fresh herbs and spices, comfort food cooked occasionally to celebrate life's little victories, reward hard work, and cheer broken hearts. Fresh vegetables and fruits from the kitchen garden comprised snacks. Handmade touches in the decor made home feel like a place of love and comfort. Beauty made home a haven.
What did our forebears do as a matter of course that recent generations dropped, considering it a waste of time? Aromatherapy, including herbs and vegetables in gardening, home remedies that are effective and inexpensive, homemade foods, handmade decor, a regular cleaning schedule, food prepared from scratch at home, family dinner, time together in the evening and on weekends where face to face conversation kept relationships strong.
In summary:
Subtract: Activities that are unnecessary, Items that are not used or needed, procrastination.
Add: Clear vision, cooperation, fair division of labor, things that add beauty and strengthen personal bonds, little details that make home a haven.
Domesticity is truly an art and we desire to foster it and make home a haven, a place of love and comfort where we connect with those we are closest to.
For tips on domestic excellence and help with a schedule that is achievable, try http://flylady.net
Many free printables and simple solutions can be found there.
Human nature, being what it is, sometimes works counter to what we know is truly best. We want to be accepted, successful, wealthy, and well-liked. Something in us keeps whispering that we will be happier if we have more achievements. Unfortunately, the tangible achievements we aim for are exactly counter to what truly makes us happy. Happiness is not a tangible goal to reach for; it is in part contentment and in part hope. Instead of complicating our lives by continuously adding more, we need to simplify things. This is something we know inherently; it is seen in the popularity of Marie Kondo.
Why did our great-grandparents seem happier while they lived in an era of well defined gender roles? It was not because they didn't know better. It was because they knew in their home life that they were equal but possessed different skill sets. They recognized the importance of domesticity. Both partners in a marriage contributed something tangible to the household, and neither resented the other.
Today, their is seldom a "typical" household. We have embraced the idea that all are equal and all lifestyle choices up to the individuals involved. Is it possible that we have taken that a step too far? Possibly. Women who choose to be homemakers often face ridicule. Men who choose to do so often feel the sting of judgement even more. We are not quite to the point where we truly accept all lifestyle choices. But I believe we can capture something of the beauty of domesticity nonetheless.
It begins with our schedules. We need to take look at our goals in a more broad range. Goals should include projects to improve, and maintenance of, our homes. We should picture what our home would ideally look, smell, and sound like. We should share this vision with our partners and write it down. What goes smoothly in our household week to week and day to day? What would we like to do better? Who is best suited to it? Is there a fair division of labor? Are we allowing each other some personal time and space regularly? What can we eliminate from our schedules? How much of each leisure activity is appropriate and optimal? How can we avoid procrastination and do more together? Strengthening personal relationships is one reason domesticity is important. Are we hospitable? Hospitality begins with our immediate family.
Little touches are the glue that makes a house home.
Thinking back to the truly beautiful things I observed in the domestic realm, I see home grown herbs, regular dusting and cleaning, sachets placed strategically, dinners punctuated with fresh herbs and spices, comfort food cooked occasionally to celebrate life's little victories, reward hard work, and cheer broken hearts. Fresh vegetables and fruits from the kitchen garden comprised snacks. Handmade touches in the decor made home feel like a place of love and comfort. Beauty made home a haven.
What did our forebears do as a matter of course that recent generations dropped, considering it a waste of time? Aromatherapy, including herbs and vegetables in gardening, home remedies that are effective and inexpensive, homemade foods, handmade decor, a regular cleaning schedule, food prepared from scratch at home, family dinner, time together in the evening and on weekends where face to face conversation kept relationships strong.
In summary:
Subtract: Activities that are unnecessary, Items that are not used or needed, procrastination.
Add: Clear vision, cooperation, fair division of labor, things that add beauty and strengthen personal bonds, little details that make home a haven.
Domesticity is truly an art and we desire to foster it and make home a haven, a place of love and comfort where we connect with those we are closest to.
For tips on domestic excellence and help with a schedule that is achievable, try http://flylady.net
Many free printables and simple solutions can be found there.
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